Not a damn thing.

So says George Saunders, who writes in a way that I can only dream about – his fiction & nonfiction about consumerism and anti-intellectualism is not only disgustingly well written, it remains entertaining where others might come off as preaching or lecturing. This piece about Palin is no exception. Reading his nonfiction you really understand how painful it is for him to see someone like Palin, perhaps the true personification of the “braindead megaphone” – the fact that he can produce such a fantastic snarky work about this trainwreck is a testiment to this guys badassity and skill as a writer.

Here is a choice quote from piece, the perspective is from a die-hard Palin supporter:

Sarah Palin is hot. Hot for a politician. Or someone you just see in a store. But, happily, I did not go to college at all, having not finished high school, due to I killed a man. But had I gone to college, trust me, it would not have been some Ivy League Élite-breeding factory but, rather, a community college in danger of losing its accreditation, built right on a fault zone, riddled with asbestos, and also, the crack-addicted professors are all dyslexic.

You owe it to yourself to read the whole thing, this guy is a master of the form: My Gal

the Zebra Zoom

I have been getting a lot of requests for this, so here it is – the first in my long series of “Zebra Zooms” – enjoy!

Hello Kitty: Meets the Tiger

First in what will hopefully become an ongoing series – originally concept by E.Roosey.

PC029083, by nate_marsh.

I’ll admit that this creation is extremely derivative of TeaBR – i.e. can beer be flavored in such a delicate way as to permit it’s natural beerness to coexist with some foreign flavoring so that the sum is greater than the whole of its parts?

This is the type of deep issue that I have been focusing the majority of my brains as of late. For the greater good of mankind.

First of all, against the recommendations of my cohorts (a bunch of Bostonianers in Maine) I left the beer relatively unaltered, still full of carbonation and relative cold to the touch. Once the EmergenC – which has a cult-like following that I do not quite understand – molecules hit the beer molecules, their violent tryst caused a lot of foam – major p-a-r-t-y foul. So, you either have to start with 1/2 a can or use it on a floater you find the next day.

The taste, not too shabby, tasted sparkley and orangey (the powers of EmergenC) against the reliable canvas of PBR’s beerness. You won’t want to drink a case of this, but try ordering one at the bar next time you are out!

Regards,

D.T.

Here are two new food/drink concepts I have developed in recent weeks. No photos yet, but I am working on it:

The Blushing Bull
I am now eager fan of Red Bull and am pretty unexcitable about white wine in general. A chance meeting of a bottle of white and a half full Red Bull has changed the way I feel about both of these products. The combination is unlike anything you’ve experienced. The zing of wine with the zang of Red Bull creates a drink much greater than some of it’s parts. It’s still pretty mediocre but definitely more drinkable and with an oddly appealing aftertaste.
7 of 10 on the TeaBR/Crayonwich Scale (that’s my new rating scale – Crayon Sandwich being the height of culinary mastery and TeaBr being the filthy underbelly)

Noodlewich
This is a creation that is by no means unique yet starlingly delicious. Come home and discover that all the cheese is gone except a block of feta. Then realize that we got ourselves some leftover spaghetti! Wow! Put them on some bread, the porportions are meaningless. Put our work into the sandwich maker and do the “happy sandwich dance” (supposedly enchances the flavors) for about 80 seconds. Out comes a goldenbrown beauty with some noodles sticking out. The taste is nothing of “special” – some highs and some lows. I would reccomend this to anyone willing to compromise – a lot.
8 of 10 on the TeaBR/Crayonwich Scale

I like to think of my self of somewhat of an innovative thinker. Surely I am no big thinker, no super-genius-braino but I have moments of remarkable lucidity and unbridled awesomeness. For example I invented the “Crayon Sandwich” – with a common kitchen sandwich maker and a 24 pack of Crayolas and two slices of wheat. It was a colorful concoction.

My latest idea – Peppermint Tea & Pabst Blue Ribbon – A TeaBR.

The night was glorious and happy and the idea struck – what would the natural power of an herbal tea plus the ass-kicking raw power of a 16oz PBR create?

Here is the list of ingredients. (I guess you could technically brew it in the can, but that is decidedly un-classy.)

Step One:
Gently dump beer into a pot or teakettle, apply heat and wait for the frothy boil -

Step Two:
Pour boiling beer into a normal mug with a tea bag. The beer should have a pungent odor, reminiscent of the downstairs bathrooms at the Hong Kong Cafe. You are doing it right!

Step Three:
The TeaBR is almost ready for a proper tasting! Flavor to taste with milk or cream, if you are feeling a little risky. Let it cool for a little bit, don’t worry, it will not affect the taste. Let the tea & beer mix together freely. It’s okay to sit now for a few seconds, holding your new beverage and thinking – I am goddamn brilliant! Give ‘er a taste!

Step Four:
Wow! Not quite what you were looking for, eh? Yeah, it actually tastes something terrible. The beer is a hot flat tongue-bath of nasty with the poor tea just funking up the mix. Maybe I needed more sugar; maybe the PBR was already past its preferred drinking date. We might never now, I am just glad to have been there and tried!

Diagnosis:

TeaBR – you are way ahead of your time!