Roosey & I embarked on our most audacious walk ever last weekend – a complete traverse of the Orange Line!

Downright crazy?

No, it was crazy enough to work, we did it and had a great time. Thanks to GPSy we were able to get some good walking stats and to geotag up some purty photos for your viewing pleasure, enjoy!!!

Oak Grove -> Malden Center -> Wellington – -> Sullivan Square -> Community College -> North Station -> Haymarket -> State Street -> Downtown Crossing -> Chinatown -> New England Medical -> Back Bay -> Mass Ave -> Ruggles -> Roxbury Crossing -> Jackson Square -> Stony Brook -> Green Street -> Forest Hills

Date of Walk: 9.26.2009
Total Time: 5h 41m 49s
Total Distance: 15.5m

I like how these photos blend together…

The snake in the first 2 photos was about 4 feet in the air in a large bush – not sure how he got up there but seemed to be enjoying life, tree snakes are a  somewhat terrifying proposition for city dwellers who are afraid of serpents…

The cat is my fave neighborhood kitty, Leah – nearly every day on the way home from work I see this friendly feline, always down for a lil’ headscratchy & some sidewalk stretching…

When I first saw your price on the syllabus,
I couldn’t believe it was serious

“The TI BA II + Professional is required for Finance”
And it costs more than a meal in France!

I thought “$70 dollars for a stupid calculator?”
I would soon eat my words for being a hater

Our first couple outings left me less then impressed
I got the wrong answers no matter what buttons I pressed

(I know that last rhyme is pretty lame
but those words are not technically the same)

After a few classes,  I began feeling more comfortable with you…
And against all odds – we formed a friendship, pure and true

Suddenly mortgage schedules were simply a joke
And PV/FV? Just a single key stroke

We tore through annuities and destroyed cash flows
We became more than friends – we became bros

As our relationship progressed you noticed Excel
A being of 100% pure awesomeness and well…

It’s not really fair to compare the two of you
One is rubber, the other glue

After a lot of arguments and misty digital eyes
I think we’ve worked to a fair compromise

The most difficult stuff goes into a spreadsheet
I’m sorry buddy, but those formulas are totally sweet

But as for other calculators -  don’t worry your pretty little head
Your are my calc 4 life – if I stray let the Lord strike me dead!

Recently we bought one of those foldable grocery carts that you see old ladies pushing down the street – it has changed me so much… I couldn’t help but write a poem about it, goes a little something like this:

Before you friend,  laundry was a chore
A trip to the ‘mat = A total bore!

To carry the clothes all-the-way downhill
And they carry them up again? I guess will…

The trip would always wear me down
Washing clothes would make me frown

I needed a hand and some company
Never thought I’d find it in Aisle 3

The wheels up front are svelte &  petite
The big ones in back are straight up street!

And theoretical capacity of 250 pounds
That’s a lot of socks, shirts, undies & gowns!

I pile you high with sodden clothes and soap
and we’ll stroll right down there, no time to mope

When the machines spin round and do their work
I no longer sit there crying like an angry jerk

We laugh we cry we tell old stories
(Like the time great-great-Carty fought off the Tories)

My life is richer since we’ve taken to the streets
I’ve even started using dryer sheets!

In the end, finally, my life is complete
You’re the best dang Carty a boy could meet!

Admittedly, this was not as powerful as my earlier swan song “Lament for a Dead Cellphone” or the hauntingly beautiful  “Complainte pour un portable defunt” but I love you Carty!

I saw this when I was doing the laundry (I am getting pretty domestic!) at the ol’ Laundromat:

Just another crappy commercial for Dunkin Donuts, right?

Wrong, my friends – it is such a ripoff of this awesome sigur rós video:

Go to 3:51 and you’ll see this extend of this crap.

Dunkin Donuts should buy everyone in Iceland a latte & a pair of reindeer slippers for this crap…

Not a damn thing.

So says George Saunders, who writes in a way that I can only dream about – his fiction & nonfiction about consumerism and anti-intellectualism is not only disgustingly well written, it remains entertaining where others might come off as preaching or lecturing. This piece about Palin is no exception. Reading his nonfiction you really understand how painful it is for him to see someone like Palin, perhaps the true personification of the “braindead megaphone” – the fact that he can produce such a fantastic snarky work about this trainwreck is a testiment to this guys badassity and skill as a writer.

Here is a choice quote from piece, the perspective is from a die-hard Palin supporter:

Sarah Palin is hot. Hot for a politician. Or someone you just see in a store. But, happily, I did not go to college at all, having not finished high school, due to I killed a man. But had I gone to college, trust me, it would not have been some Ivy League Élite-breeding factory but, rather, a community college in danger of losing its accreditation, built right on a fault zone, riddled with asbestos, and also, the crack-addicted professors are all dyslexic.

You owe it to yourself to read the whole thing, this guy is a master of the form: My Gal

Today, whilst looking for a small recycling bin, to assuage my guilt for creating massive amounts of waste, I came across some amusing tiny customizable recycling bins and other “green” knick-knacks for trade shows and potential waste-management customers.

Anyways, in the midst of these amusing tchotchkes is this gem, displayed on the left – a port-a-potty of lilliputian proportions with a spot for a custom logo! I am no marketing genius, but I recognize brilliance when I see it.

I am sure these are great handouts for those in the industry, but why stop there – imagine the shock and awe when someone asks for your business card and you whip out one of these beauts!  Unfortunately they are listed as only 7/8″ tall and 1″ wide but there is a little slot in the door for more potential hilarity.

The real crime is the pricing, $7 a piece for 50 and an $115 charge for setup??? That’s about $9 per novelty crapper. Still… these are essentially guaranteed to bring in new customers and will hold a prominent place in many many cubicles for years to come.

I know where my stimulus payout is headin!

Hello Kitty: Meets the Tiger

First in what will hopefully become an ongoing series – originally concept by E.Roosey.

One of my friends just returned to school for a masters degree. The university he is attending has a large & active Greek scene that is infamous for it’s douchebaginess. A prime offender is TKE – I am sure it is full of nice people but the sum of the individuals creates a superrdense mass of drunken farts. Part of the fun of being a real frat boy is pretending that you are some type of distinguished men’s club. Anyways, he was mistakenly solicited for membership in this fine institution and responded with an entertainingly straightforward email – the questions that everyone is afraid to ask. Read on:

TKE Informal Spring Recruitment

Dear Sophomores, Junior and Senior Men,

Hope everyone had a good break. Ny name is Rudolph MacGregor, AJ Flacker and myself are the Rush and Recruitment chairs for Tau Kappa Epsilon. We are looking for a few good men for spring informal recruitment. This fraternity has helped me grow in a variety of ways. It has helped me expand intellectually, emotionally and certainly physically. We pride ourselves on love, charity and esteem, this is the backbone of who we are. It has been a truly wonderful experience for me.

Don’t just take my word for it, if you have interest or questions regarding the spring informal recruitment process please contact myself or AJ Flacker. Thanks for your time and good luck with the upcoming semester.

Sincerely,

Rudolph McGregor

Re: TKE Informal Spring Recruitment

Dear Esteemed Gentleman,
Thank you for your kind invitation. I appreciate such a warm offer from what I am sure is a well-respected organization. I am interested in this “secret society”, but I have some questions about the pledge process:

1. On a scale of 1 to 10, how much of the pledge process involves binge drinking? I actually have a full-time job so I may have to skip some nights-sorry!

2. How much of the pledge process will involve eating/drinking off other men’s naked bodies? I am kind of a germophobe and I may have to ask for a waiver from these activities, unless some kind of cleanliness certification can be done prior to the activities that involve actual exchange of bodily fluids. Are you Serv-Safe certified?

3. Is there a secret handshake? If so, how hard is it to learn? I always have trouble with that stuff. Is there some kind of mnemonic to remember it (i.e. King Phillip lit a candle in his pledge mate’s rear for dinner)?

4. Are there any animal sacrifices? I am an avid hunter and I may be able to wound some animals, then bring them to the ceremonies. I also may be able to procure a net that could be used to capture animals.

5. Are there mixers with the sororities? I am married, so I will not be able to attend, however I may be able to help with random STD testing at the events.

6. Does the homoerotic behavior end after pledging or are we required to remain with a “domestic partner” afterwards? Is this why you all live together? I support the right of all to be happy and in love, and I would be honored to support your quest for equality and respect. (I think it is terrible what they say about you all on Fox News)

7. In your email you state “This fraternity has helped me grow in a variety of ways. It has helped me expand intellectually, emotionally and certainly physically. We pride ourselves on love, charity and esteem, this is the backbone of who we are.” What do you mean by expanding physically? Beer gut? Water retention? Also, if I already have a backbone can I get some type of refund off my dues?

Thank You for your time in responding to this email, I am really looking forward to joining your Boys’ Club. I know you are probably busy preparing the scrotum twister for next semester and I appreciate your attention! Go TKE!

Re: Re: TKE Informal Spring Recruitment

Dear Fergus

We at TKE appreacite your interest. Unfortunately you can’t get accepted as a grad student. The e-mail was for sophomores, juniors and seniors. But, again good luck with the masters program.

Take Care,

Rudolph MacGregor

I love the fake civility of it all – major points for maintaining the happy charade!

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Gordion Panorama, by nate_marsh.

I have recently been interested in different ways of viewing panoramas on the web. Flickr doesn’t do so well as you can see with the image above, it is hard to get a sense of the whole scene without having to flip between multiple views.

I’ve tried using some Quicktime stuff and other 3d viewers but I very rarely take 360 panos and normal ones look kinda dumpy.

So, I was pretty interested to use this tool – a little plugin called Zoomify that comes with Photoshop CS3. Here’s an example of the above photo in this browser.

It does all the image slicing & HTML work for you which makes it rather speedy and flexible. This particular one is optimized for a large screen and still does not let you zoom all the way out but I think it is a pretty good compromise!