A Poem From Nate’s Face to His Mustache

We will both wake up one winter day
And without warning he will shave you away…
Before you leave this blessed mortal sphere
There is something you need to hear

I talk a lot, that’s certainly true,
But I regret not saying enough about you
At first I did not support growing the ’stache
What’s the point of purposefully looking like trash?

But you did look good and do compliment the lip
And so my recalcitrance, it began to slip
The ladies swooned. The men? The same
Gotta say it, this face got game

Your style matches Marsh’s fave wifebeater
And you are LEED certified sustainable “cheek heater”
Shaving is not so tough anymore
And when I see you in the mirror, I want to yell “HARDCORE!”

He told me not to tell you how it will end
But cannot lie, can no longer pretend
I know when this will happen to you
When he gets his next job interview!

My favorite ride is Post-Panamax
Lookin’ real good up on 40-ft stacks
Upon you decks & in your hull
Are enough Chinese goods to fill an American mall

Oh humble container, invented by Malcolm McLean
You’re over 50 years old, and have not lost your sheen
Every box has its own story
The greens ones even have a bamboo floory!

A rainbow of colored crates from port to aft
And a very comfortable looking life-raft
The trip from Bangkok to Antwerp takes 42 days
Well, only 19 if you take the Suez!

Or go East to Oakland to drop some cargo
Toss the goods in a train car & one week to Fargo
Across the Pacific you stream again
Your only friends are salty longshoremen

You may have no port to call your own
But don’t worry friend, you are not alone…
Oh mighty vessel floating in the sea
I gotta tell you, me likey!

References:
Post-Panamax
Malcolm McLean
Bamboo Flooring in Shipping Containers
Suez Canal

The Fizzard of Ahhhs

Hey buddy, if you don’t know about the fizzle,
Then you need to take a look at this shizzle:

Just fill up the specially designed bottle
And drop a short prayer to the Carbony Father
Then screw it into the magic machine
and keep pressing the button till that puppy scream!

Four hard presses to build adequate pressure
After six,  you are creating seltz beyond measure
The new water, doth it glisten and pop?
But unscrew it too fast and thou needeth a mop!

The special bevvy has some amazing new power
You are due up for a tastebud shower!
What was once a cup of common H2O
Has been transformed into a golden goblet of “Hey-ooooh!”

Be thee not scared of this awesome device,
For all your juices are now two times as nice
A warning for you adventurous  folk,
Re-carbonating a flat beer is no joke!

Your boring tap water will not be missed
Once it has been paid a visit by the Fizzycist
Some may proclaim it divine intervention
Nay, it is merely man’s greatest invention!

Pardon me friends, a leave I must take -
For with this fresh seltzer, a great thirst I will now slake!